Can you still be pregnant after passing a clot?
*Warning – Graphic Post* I went for a scan at 9w5d, and was blessed to see a little fetus in there, wriggling around and heart beating beautifully. We came home, thrilled and relieved. That night, while on the toilet, I felt my cyclogest slipping out. It didn’t worry me until I noticed the bright red blood on the toilet paper. What I had thought was my pessary was actually a giant 10cm clot, half the width of my palm. I freaked out There had been no warning at all – no spotting, no cramping, nothing to indicate I was about to miscarry! I took the clot...
Read MoreCan you get over loss?
I went to a party last night to celebrate the birthday of my mom’s best friend. The people who were at the party either knew her or knew of what had happened to my mom. I had an inkling of what it might feel like to be famous – people feel they know me rather intimately, with a bond of friendship, when I don’t know them at all. It is a little disconcerting, and something I’ve learned to live with after my publicly sharing the story of my miscarriages, and the miracle of Joshua’s birth after my 7th miscarriage. The Question One lady who I had not yet...
Read MoreRethinking my discomfort zone
I’m the type of person who will jump out of my comfort zone before I’ve even given it a second’s thought. Brave? I’ve been told so, but to be honest, the resulting anxiety that it raises within me tells me otherwise. Take, for instance, the other week. There was a gap in the COMENSA Events line-up (COMENSA is the governing body for coaches & mentors in South Africa). I am on the regional committee, and was involved in their Research and Definitions committee, editing a survey of the state of coaching in South Africa, and they had yet to release the results...
Read MoreMy dream
I was asked this morning “what is your dream”. I thought about it a bit, and then started to reply. As is usual for coaching questions, the first answer that came to mind was a bit vague. It entailed an emotion rather than any visible state or action, and it went back to my earliest declaration of intent, when I was 5 (I was a rather morbid child) and contemplating what I’d like written on my tombstone. I want to make a difference. As I thought a little more about it, I asked myself “How do I want to make a difference?” and then I had to...
Read MoreHave I forgotten what it was like to miscarry?
It has been 3 years, 4 months and 13 days since I had my son after 7 miscarriages. It’s been almost a year since my 10th miscarriage and we’re thinking about starting to try again. I caught myself wondering this morning whether I can even remember the hollow, empty, primal pain of losing my unborn children, and if I can recall what it was like to inject myself daily as the bruises on my skin got bigger and darker; if I remember the daily regime of take more pills than I could hold in one hand and the toll this took on our relationship. I start to think back, which isn’t much...
Read MoreI Have Infertile
My inner grammar-marm is not happy with this post title. She keeps telling me “No.. the CORRECT way to say it is ‘I AM infertile’. We’ve had a ‘discussion’ and currently she’s in the corner with her mouth taped shut. Here’s my argument: ‘I am infertile’ is definite. It’s personal. It claims to encompass everything about me. It is a liar. I am not infertile. I have challenges with fertility. I also have a wicked sense of humour and a rather twisted way of thinking sometimes. I have an awareness of things...
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