Have I forgotten what it was like to miscarry?
It has been 3 years, 4 months and 13 days since I had my son after 7 miscarriages. It’s been almost a year since my 10th miscarriage and we’re thinking about starting to try again. I caught myself wondering this morning whether I can even remember the hollow, empty, primal pain of losing my unborn children, and if I can recall what it was like to inject myself daily as the bruises on my skin got bigger and darker; if I remember the daily regime of take more pills than I could hold in one hand and the toll this took on our relationship. I start to think back, which isn’t much...
Read MoreI Have Infertile
My inner grammar-marm is not happy with this post title. She keeps telling me “No.. the CORRECT way to say it is ‘I AM infertile’. We’ve had a ‘discussion’ and currently she’s in the corner with her mouth taped shut. Here’s my argument: ‘I am infertile’ is definite. It’s personal. It claims to encompass everything about me. It is a liar. I am not infertile. I have challenges with fertility. I also have a wicked sense of humour and a rather twisted way of thinking sometimes. I have an awareness of things...
Read MoreGetting through a loss
Almost 4 months ago, I suffered a personal tragedy that had nothing to do with fertility and it left me reeling. My mom was murdered two weeks after I suffered my 10th miscarriage (I was almost at the end of my first trimester, and had seen the heartbeat 3 times, so this was one of the worst miscarriages for me). I found myself in a state of surrealism, almost as though I was having an out of body experience, and I decided that I was not able to do this on my own. Instead of following my normal pattern of grieving through withdrawal (although I am very public about our situation, I do not...
Read More5 Mistakes I Made As A Miscarrier…
Infertility and miscarriage are tough to endure. They change our lives and alter our perspective and behaviors. They change our habits and shake up our relationships. They can leave us feeling empty and lost. I made a number of mistakes in the beginning part of my journey, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.. 1. Giving up control Once diagnosed with fertility challenges, I set about trying to ‘solve’ the problem. I researched causes and possible cures. I found doctors and medical teams to help me achieve my goals. I went on a mission, ruled by the...
Read MoreHow to Inject Clexane
What is Clexane? Clexane is an injectable form of heparin – an anticoagulant prescribed to people with antiphospholipid syndrome, Hughes Syndrome, clotting issues. It prevents clots and thins the blood slightly, helping to prevent some forms of miscarriage. If you are prescribed Clexane, you will need to inject it just under the skin (subcutaneously). There are a number of things that can help you do this with minimal trouble or discomfort. What you will need Clexane injection Water Cottonwool A ‘sharps’ box for the used injections. Preparation for the...
Read MoreDenial – it’s not necessarily a bad thing
*Graphic info warning* I went to the doctor on Thursday, after I started spotting on Wednesday night, at 7 weeks, 4 days. Everything had been perfect until then – I had been taking my medication, and felt exhausted by 8pm each evening. I was glowing. I was so grateful to my doctor for not having kept me waiting for an appointment – she booked me in for the following morning, so that we could check everything. She examined me, and there was my baby, with a beautiful strong heartbeat flickering away! I filmed it. It’s the last time I would see it. That night, I began...
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