Have I forgotten what it was like to miscarry?
It has been 3 years, 4 months and 13 days since I had my son after 7 miscarriages. It’s been almost a year since my 10th miscarriage and we’re thinking about starting to try again. I caught myself wondering this morning whether I can even remember the hollow, empty, primal pain of losing my unborn children, and if I can recall what it was like to inject myself daily as the bruises on my skin got bigger and darker; if I remember the daily regime of take more pills than I could hold in one hand and the toll this took on our relationship. I start to think back, which isn’t much...
Read MoreI Have Infertile
My inner grammar-marm is not happy with this post title. She keeps telling me “No.. the CORRECT way to say it is ‘I AM infertile’. We’ve had a ‘discussion’ and currently she’s in the corner with her mouth taped shut. Here’s my argument: ‘I am infertile’ is definite. It’s personal. It claims to encompass everything about me. It is a liar. I am not infertile. I have challenges with fertility. I also have a wicked sense of humour and a rather twisted way of thinking sometimes. I have an awareness of things...
Read MoreThe art of grieving
I read a beautiful and very apt comment on a BabyLoss forum on Facebook today, – “….but I am jealous of those who carry ’tissue-paper’ crosses when mine is more like cement.” ~Lori Ennis~ I had already begun writing this post, but it sort of just tied everything together for me, because Lori summed up what most of us are feeling – the burden of private intimate suffering that seems to be heavier than anything anyone else is going through. It seems to be human nature to classify and categorise things, and then to judge them accordingly. ...
Read More5 Mistakes I Made As A Miscarrier…
Infertility and miscarriage are tough to endure. They change our lives and alter our perspective and behaviors. They change our habits and shake up our relationships. They can leave us feeling empty and lost. I made a number of mistakes in the beginning part of my journey, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.. 1. Giving up control Once diagnosed with fertility challenges, I set about trying to ‘solve’ the problem. I researched causes and possible cures. I found doctors and medical teams to help me achieve my goals. I went on a mission, ruled by the...
Read MoreFacing the holidays
Easter is just around the corner and if any holidays are laden with symbolic digs at people struggling with infertility, it is Easter. You’ve got kids running around, hunting for eggs (aren’t we all!) and bunnies (as in ‘breeding like..’), and chocolate. Okay, maybe the chocolate makes things a little easier to bear. (If you’re already feeling yourself begin to hyperventilate at the thought, read about Stress Management) If you’re not subjected to the Easter rituals, you may still be facing Passover (which is in celebration of the sparing of the first...
Read MoreCauses of Infertility
Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive even after 12 months of trying to fall pregnant. This post deals with infertility and sub-fertility (as opposed to miscarriage). There is a reason for the term “the miracle of birth”: even after decades of studying, there are aspects of conception and birth which are still unexplainable. The majority of patients struggling to conceive are declared to have “unexplained infertility”. Other causes include defects in sperm (including low motility [aka sperm count] and low mobility [i.e. sperm travels...
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