Facing the holidays
Easter is just around the corner and if any holidays are laden with symbolic digs at people struggling with infertility, it is Easter. You’ve got kids running around, hunting for eggs (aren’t we all!) and bunnies (as in ‘breeding like..’), and chocolate. Okay, maybe the chocolate makes things a little easier to bear. (If you’re already feeling yourself begin to hyperventilate at the thought, read about Stress Management) If you’re not subjected to the Easter rituals, you may still be facing Passover (which is in celebration of the sparing of the first...
Read MoreFertility Myths
Are you pregnant or trying to conceive? Then start practicing polite exit strategies – you’re about to become the target of well-meaning ‘old wives’ everywhere. The suggestions are often out-dated, and sometimes bizarre, but they come from people you love and from people you can’t escape. This post aims to dispel some of the myths of motherhood so you don’t end up having to plant rosemary, give away silverware, or endanger your health by rubbing a pregnant woman’s belly. Myth 1: If you aren’t pregnant after 4 months of trying, there must be something...
Read MoreChoosing My Path
After I had my 4th or so miscarriage, there was suddenly a bout of pregnant women, due all at once, at my workplace. It was difficult facing their joy day after day when my own womb felt so sorely empty. I found myself dodging the pregnant people and avoiding the baby showers, because the events would upset me. Eventually, I found myself being quite angry about the situation, and finding myself becoming bitter, and I realised that I had a choice – one that would affect who I became. I pictured myself 10 years down the line of this current way of being, and realised that it...
Read MoreManaging the stress of infertility
One of the things that most people say to you when you’re struggling to conceive (or stay pregnant) is “Just relax, it will happen”. This is one of the most annoying things that I hear from anyone and it doesn’t matter whether or not it is actually helpful to relax – it’s a case of HOW to stop being so anxious about something that is inherently stressful. Women are programmed by society to desire motherhood from an early age. We are taught nursery rhymes and given toys that prepare us for motherhood. There’s nothing that can prepare you for...
Read MoreWhat not to say
How do you support a friend facing infertility or Assisted Reproduction Techniques (ART)? I have compiled a list of things I used to hate hearing. If you have said any of these to a friend, don’t worry – you get brownie points for even searching the net to find ways to be there for your friend. Below is a list of things NOT to say to a friend suffering from recurrent miscarriage (or any friend struggling with infertility, which deserves its own post). What DO you say to someone who has miscarried, or is facing fertility challenges? See “What I wanted to hear“,...
Read MoreThe emotions of miscarriage
Each miscarriage is different for every person. There are days when you may feel absolutely devastated, and times when you go to work the next day. There’s often no way to predict how you are going to handle it until you have to. There are generally similar emotions that I have come across when talking to people who have suffered through multiple miscarriages.. these are a few of them (note – the logic and sentiment is not ‘true’ as such – it is an emotional response to the trauma): Shock From the time we are children, it is drummed into us that our...
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