One of the first things that one thinks about as you try to come to terms with a pregnancy loss is “what did I do wrong?”. This is something that plagues even those people who stick to all the rules in the book. I want to emphasize that if you are wondering what you did wrong, it wasn’t your fault.
If you are not sure whether or not you are experiencing a miscarriage, see ‘Miscarriage Signs‘.
Miscarriage Causes
Beyond looking after your nutrition, exercise sensibly and avoiding things like alcohol, drugs and contra-indicated medication, there is nothing that you should have done better. The most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality, which is neither your nor your partner’s fault. In fact, NONE of it is your fault, unless you did it on purpose, in which case, you wouldn’t be reading this right now anyway. I know I repeat this sentiment a lot throughout the site – that’s because it’s true, and it’s something we have a lot of trouble believing at first.
Other factors could be hormonal, immunological (such as diabetes), systemic (like lupus or clotting issues), genetic, infections/viruses, or a combination.
Miscarriages are not a sign of your body working against you – rather, your body may be trying to overcome what it thinks of as an external attack. Chromosomal defects prevent the fetus from developing as it should, which ends in a loss. If you have had a miscarriage, you are still likely to have a successful pregnancy afterward. Only a small percentage of people suffer with recurrent miscarriage (3 miscarriages or more).
If you do have 3 miscarriages, you will undergo tests for thyroid functioning, karyotyping (to make sure your partner’s DNA is compatible with yours), and antiphospholipid syndrome. These are the main tests, although they are not totally comprehensive. If these don’t reveal any problems, there are more specialized tests that can be done, but none of these guarantees a definitive result on why you could be going through this.
Miscarriage diagnosis
There are three general scenarios here: (a) your doctor tells you they don’t know what is wrong, or (b) they have found an issue that is treatable, or (c) they have found the cause, and it is not treatable.
The news may comfort or frustrate you – or both even. It may be difficult to hear that there is a cause and, if it is treatable, you might be encouraged that there is a new avenue of hope.
Encouraging Miscarriage Statistics
- By 8 weeks (since LMP), your risk of miscarriage is halved.
- The chance of miscarriage gets progressively lower, dropping to 1% by 12 weeks.
- Once you’ve seen a heartbeat, the chance of a miscarriage is only about 2-4%
- Most people who have had one miscarriage go on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy afterwards.
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I just read your blog and am very impressed at how in touch you are and your attention to detail. I was also impressed that you included some individuality to your blog instead of the same old robotic writing I see from everyone else. We would love to have you write us a WebWatcher article sometime.
I ve lost 4 pregnancies and no child yet. Getting pregnant is now d problem.please I need your assistant.
I am very sorry that you are going through this, Stella. I will send you an email for a private chat. XX
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Loving the info on this web site, you have done great job on the content.
Thanks so much! I love getting feedback from readers!
Many thanks for being my own coach on this niche. My partner and i enjoyed your current article a lot and most of all favored how you handled the issues I regarded as controversial. You happen to be always extremely kind towards readers really like me and aid me in my life. Thank you.
Thank you. I hope that you and your partner are communicating through any fertility challenges. Good luck!
Thank you for your support and information. I find it great that there are people online that you can speak to that have had unfortunate issues regarding infertility. I would like to share my story in hopes that it may help others as well.
I was a surrogate for a really sweet couple. I had the embryo transferred this past July 8. Dispite all odds, one embryo and I got pregnant. On my first ultrasound appointment, the doctor could not find the baby and he thought I may have miscarried, but my hormone levels kept rising. A few days later I had another ultrasound, still no baby, still rising hormones. Doctor marked my chart as miscarriage. I went in again for a third time 3 days later and he finally found the baby. We saw the heartbeat, and heard it. Was 7 1/2 weeks along.
As my doctor kept looking, he finds something disturbing. He does not see the baby in my uterus. He feels it is ectopic. (note: I had left tube and ovary removed 4 years prior) The area in which the doctor thought it was in, was extremely dangerous. So I had an MRI scheduled the next day to get exact location and talk about termination options.
The day of the MRI I started cramping, but not bleeding. MRI was done and I passed out shortly after getting my clothes back on. I got rushed to the ER and found out the preganancy had ruptured, ruptured the top part of my uterus and I lost a lot of blood internally. I ended up getting an emergency hysterectomy and blood transfusion. Now I cannot have any more children at all.
After getting the MRI results back, not only did they see the blood in my belly, but the baby ended up implanting in my left tube stump. I’m really hoping that the fertility doctor remembered that I had that surgery 4 years ago and did not plant that baby in the wrong spot. But, I am sure that is hard to prove. Anyone going through IVF or embryo transfer for themselves or someone else……..I strongly recommend asking a lot of questions and reading everything before signing. Find out everey possible risk and ask more questions.
Melisa, thank you for sharing your story in the hopes that others can learn from your loss. It is so important to choose your medical team carefully, and so often when we deal with doctors, we fee; vulnerable and overwhelmed with information, and this means we’re not in a position of power, so we don’t interview the doctors as we should. You don’t know how long you are going to be on the fertility journey, and you want the best doctor that can do the job without your feeling doubtful about what exactly you are going through and for what reasons. Having a doctor that helps you to feel okay about things is more than just a feelgood factor – reducing your stress levels can also help boost fertility
I wntaed to spend a minute to thank you for this.
I like the efforts you have put in this, thanks for all the great content .
Thank you Isabell!
Unfortunately, nature sometimes turn for the worst. It happens. My mom had a miscarriage with my potential sister. She didn’t do anything wrong, these things just happen sometimes. It’s important to not assign blame to yourself for things that are outside your control.
Valuable post!
Thank you Steven. I agree with you – letting go of blame (whether directed at yourself, your spouse, your doctor, etc) is a crucial step in finding peace and beginning the healing.